The American Idol Debut

November 27, 2008 | Published in | 0 comments

David Cook's new album (creatively called 'David Cook' in true manufactured pop style) is thoroughly dissatisfactory. It was akin to expecting margarine to taste like butter - but in truth, it still tastes like margarine. My ears are upset. I expected more from this man! What happened lah. I think he dated that skank and as a result, his musical abilities just went down the drain. His old album ('Analog Heart' - released before he got famous) is ten times better than this trashtastic trainwreck of an album. Guitar riffs do not always make songs sound good! Yes, it may seem sexy at first, but too much of it is a no-no. Why did us bimbotic fangirls expect so much of you, Mr Cook? Why can't we hear any more "Always Be My Baby"-type renditions? I played that song not less than 180 times (I have proof on my iTunes play count. Holy crap - it's 209!!!!) during exam season. WHY, MR COOK, WHY?! There is more variation in a box of sand than on your album. Dear, oh dear, as my old PE teacher would say. Every song sounds like "Light On" with the exception of a gut-wrenching "Permanent". There is nothing repeat-worthy on your album except this song. Now, "Permanent" is the kind of shit I want to hear from you, Mr Cook. Emo piano? Check. Surly romantic lyrics? Check. The resonant deep throated voice? Check. Will-make-girls-scream-uncontrollably-at-gig factor? Check. Now if only the other 13 tracks made me feel.

Is this the moment where I look you in the eye?
Forgive my broken promise that you'll never see me cry
And everything, it will surely change even if I tell you I won't go away today
Will you think that you're all alone
When no one's there to hold your hand?
And all you know seems so far away and everything is temporary
Rest your head

I'm permanent

And what's with the eyeliner on your CD cover? Or was that photoshopped in to make you appeal to the My Chemical Romance crowd? Anyway, I'm too soft-hearted. I'm going to forgive this man for producing a bad first album. There's always a bad first album for everyone, with the exception of Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera perhaps.

David Archuleta (who has put on a bit of weight, incidentally) is a different story altogether. I never liked his sweet dulcet voice, but ... oh dear, I never thought I'd say this but his teenybopper "Hey, girl, I'm gonna getcha" tunes are quite addictive. Maybe it's a good thing he lost in the end because at this rate, he's going to be so much more famous than Mr Cook. I could just be thirteen in terms of musical taste, but whatever. I couldn't stop listening to "Crush" when it was first released; it is such a Water Fountain Romance song that will either make you smile or die a little inside from remembering the good ol' simple days. Sure, his songs have simple melodic beats that don't require very much talent to produce, but it's fine. To be honest, this album sounds a bit like Clay Aiken's first album which was irreprehensibly melodic and poppy in all its gayness.

Whatever it is, I don't think either of these albums have very much staying power. Sucks to be in the music industry these days!

Yay for Beyonce's 'Single Ladies'. Now that is catchy.

Grrl, I'm gonna bite ya

November 22, 2008 | Published in | 1 comments

Hopping onto the teenybopper bandwagon, I've sort of been flipping out quietly about how Twilight is being released way before Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince. HP6 was meant to be released yesterday, but somehow got pushed all the bloody way back to summer 2009. Let's just say I'm a traditional girl and have always been a Harry Potter fangirl for as long as I can remember (Book Ronald Weasley <3!). Converting to the dark side (har har har) is not acceptable. Although Ms Rowling's plot-weaving skills may have deteriorated somewhat over the years and my level of cynicism gone up exponentially, Ms Meyer is just no match for the woman who has more money than the Queen. Ms Meyer begins her book in pretty much the same way Ms Rowling did with Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone, using IGCSE English techniques to paint a dull, dreary (alliteration !!!) picture and all that, but it didn't reel me in. Perhaps I was young and fool enough to be drawn into the magical world of Harry and Ronald and Hermione, but those were good times! Writers will never run out of an audience so long as there is misery in this world and a willingness to escape into another dimension. I did - in all earnest - attempt to read the book. I took it down gingerly from my sixteen-year-old sister's dusty shelf and turned to the back. Isabella "Bella" Swan? Does anything scream more "I'm a 17th century harlot wearing white lace and red lipstick" than that? Fine. So Ms Meyer picked a bad name. I didn't let Harry James Potter or Frodo Baggins deter me from reading Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings. But really. 2 pages and counting, I just put it down and went to have my cosy after-lunch nap. Why? I give you the following:

In the Olympic Peninsula of the northwest Washington state, a small town named Forks exists under a near constant cover of clouds. It rains on this inconsequential town more than any other place in the United States of America. It was from this town and its gloomy, omnipresent shade that my mother escaped with me when I was only a few months old.


It was to Forks that I now exiled myself - an action that I took with great horror. I detested Forks.

I loved Phoenix. I loved the sun and the blistering heat. I loved the vigorous, sprawling city.

There was something about the first two pages that turned me right off. I shouldn't judge so easily, but I DID make it beyond the cover. I think it was the size of the words too. They were the size of my face. Made me feel a bit dumb :-( I don't like books making me feel dumb, especially in the condescending sort of way; I'm too much of an egotistical girl for that. The clumsily stacked sentences don't appeal to me very much either. But anyway, I've read about this novel enough online to tell you what it's about. And by this point, you are wondering: why the hell is she going on about a book she doesn't believe in? I'm just procrastinating - I'm sorry there's no sexier answer.

In a nutshell:

Bella Swan is the new girl in school. Bella meets Hot 4eva-18 Vampyre Boy named Edward Cullen. Ed is drawn to scent of her flavourful blood. He falls in love with her. BUT THEN he avoids her because he's a fucking vegetarian vampire and doesn't want to suck her lifeless. She goes "ZOMG have I done something wrong? Is it me? Am I too fat?!! Does he want to have SEX with me???" etc. Enter Jake, a 4eva-16 vampire. He doesn't really care about being vegetarian, because Bella sure smells hella good to give up. He wants to suck on Bella's blood but Ed clearly can't let him do that because deep down underneath all that lust, Ed really is a *good* guy. Fight fight run run. Happy ending 4eva n eva with a PROM thrown in.

To quote Lily from HIMYM, "WOOOO!!!!!" (subtitle: "This book clearly sounds dead in all its undead glory")

If you want a really good vampire story, I suggest reading The Vampire Chronicles by Anne Rice. Homoeroticism, sexy writing and the baring of fangs! What more do you want?!

And you know what, Robert Pattinson and Kristin Stewart are NO match for Dan Radcliffe, Rupert Grint and Emma Watson. Seriously.

L-R: Guy with Seriously Greased Up Hair that Could Probably Use a Transylvanian Vampirean Accent too; Girl with fabulous Louboutins but dunno what she's wearing

Need I say more?

Vanity Much?

November 20, 2008 | Published in | 0 comments

To be frank, I don't care that much anymore about clothes. Is it being slovenly or being slightly less superficial? I throw on a pair of jeans, some crinkly old t-shirt and ratty leopard print Converses on and walk out the door with my diarrhoea green Eastpak every morning these days. Flats just don't do my poor feet good anymore, no matter how cute or bouncy they make my gait look. It's function and form >>> looks these days. My inbox is chock full with emails about the latest styles and clothes from ASOS, American Apparel, Urban Outfitters, even net-a-porter. But, I don't know. Some weird 'Ooohh I must have X from X brand' fuse has blown in my head. All I want right now is to have a functioning Matlab code - as horrifically geeky as that sounds - and to finish running 42km come 07/12. I am suffering from an uncomfortable calf cramp as I write this post; all that training had better not be in vain!

Yes, I am vain in the sense that I want to attain maximum fitness and maximum success in whatever I do. I am vain when I say "No, thanks" to eating out 90% of the time for fear I might will ingest food doused in recycled grease. No, I'm not trying to be a size 8. I have come to terms with the fact that I never will be a bloody size 8 because that's the way I was made, but eating healthy most of the time (except for those times in school where those glorious bars of crunchy Kit Kats just call my name) keeps my sanity and self-esteem intact. A sense of control, if you will. No, I don't support starving yourself. That's just wrong. Food is far too good to give up. I mean, seriously:

Does the crumbly biscuit base make your knees weak? Does the luscious layer of cream spread greedily over the top of the whipped chocolate cheese make you want to die? Can you start to smell the scent of chocolate lightly mixed with a slight hint of coffee already?

Just go out and get a slice.

But just - for the love of God - don't eat it every single day.

Take home message: You don't have to be vain to want to live healthily, but you'd definitely have to be healthy if you are vain. 'Cause, you know, you don't wanna look like a wrinkled old prune by the age of 31.

(Gosh, who knows?! It might be just a phase. I might crave a purple alligator skin wallet by tomorrow evening)

Rabid Vegans

November 06, 2008 | Published in | 0 comments

People at PETA just irritate the hell out of me. So, Obama has just won the elections. How do the people at PETA put their spin on it? Read on to find out.

President-Elect Barack Obama has said, “I think how we treat our animals reflects how we treat each other. And it’s very important that we have a president who is mindful of the cruelty that is perpetrated on animals.” Because PETA is devoted to fighting animal abuse and recognizes the link between cruelty to animals and violence directed against human beings, the organization is very encouraged by this statement.

PETA is also pleased that Obama and his wife Michelle have announced that they will adopt a rescued dog for their daughters instead of patronizing a pet store or breeder. PETA opposes large-scale breeding facilities, known as “puppy mills,” as well as private breeders who bring puppies and kittens into the world while nearly 4 millions cats and dogs must be euthanized at the nation’s overcrowded animal shelters every year. PETA supports animal shelters and encourages all prospective companion animal guardians to visit their local animal shelter.

PETA was also encouraged to see that, unlike other Democratic and Republican presidential candidates in the past, Obama did not pander to the National Rifle Association and other pro-hunting organizations by heading into the woods and shooting defenceless animals.

PETA looks forward to working with President-Elect Obama and the new administration to help make change happen for the millions of animals who suffer unnecessarily in this country. What’s next? If his stance on other animal issues is any indication, perhaps the next president will put a tofu chicken in every pot.”

a) Putting a tofu chicken in every pot?! Do they THINK that going vegetarian is so easy for most people? Vegetables are expensive! Even as an upper middle class kid I feel the pinch buying vegetables every other day. Buying meat is infinitely cheaper than buying vegetables and certainly a lot more filling! For instance, you can buy 8 satisfying meatballs at your local Tesco's for a quid as opposed to a tiny bag of broccoli and carrots for a £1.50. Bloody hell. Organic schmorganic! You wouldn't know if it's organic unless it came from your own garden!

b) Not everyone has the money to buy fur. Not even if they wanted to. Srsly.

c) Mr Obama has better things to care about other than animals. For instance, how's about stopping people from killing one another in countries farrrr farr awaaay.

d) Mr Obama also - I'm quite sure - has better things to do than to go hunting with the National Rifle Association. How's about saving America from the next Great Depression and putting the damn country back on track politically and financially?

A bit out of context, but I've seen Paul McCartney, who is an avid supporter of PETA, do the following:

e) Wearing trainers with a suit as opposed to wearing leather shoes with a full suit. That's just moronic. Hall mirrors are there for a reason.

I don't mind vegetarians, really. Hell, I love vegetables as much as I love meat, but really, when you spout bullshit publicly and force your stupid beliefs on poor innocent meat-eaters, I'd say it's definitely time to pursue a balanced diet. For your own sake.

What do you know..

November 04, 2008 | Published in | 0 comments

I barely clocked a four hour nap before waking up again to see "Obama wins elections in historic win" on my laptop screen. Needless to say, I am elated. Tired, aching and very sleepy, but very happy for Mr. Obama and that much more optimistic about the future of the world. It touches me to know that I actually witnessed history happening and that America was willing to let change happen. I always said that the world was going to end if Mr. McCain won, but now that I think about it..a black man just became the president of the United States. 143 years ago, he could very well have been a slave on the plantation of some wealthy cotton farmer in Atlanta. Well, Change has come. If a black man can be the president of the United States, now anything is truly possible.

Mr. Obama won out of sheer tenacity, of extraordinary focus and pure guts. He never once strayed from his goal in his two year campaign. He didn't do what Mr. McCain did - Mr. McCain childishly played taunting games on international television with Mr. Obama, calling him all manner of names. Mr. Obama played on the absence of feeling of hope for the Americans and gave it back to them. Mr. Obama is playing Richard Nixon's role to Harry Truman, Dwight Eisenhower, John Kennedy and Lyndon B Johnson's Vietnam. The paranoia that the Domino Theory would come true as communism swept its way through South East Asia perhaps is more palpable and believable than these so-called weapons of mass destruction that - funnily enough - nobody has found yet. Mr. Obama knows the catastrophe that the Bush administration has left him in and he certainly won't have a ball cleaning up. His administration will have to be transparent, fair and well thought out - everything the Bush administration was not.

I am not typically a fan of politics and I do not talk politics, but this time the little idealistic historian in me believed that something different would go down in history. And it has.

Reversing Realpolitik in the Realworld

November 03, 2008 | Published in | 0 comments

It's the 4th of November tomorrow. Shame on you if you think it's just another day. It's not.

I know I'm not American, not even close, but I'd be a fool to say I didn't care about the future of America because let's face it - the future of America affects every damn country on this planet, however loath we are to admit it. Having said that, I admit that I am fairly apathetic about Malaysian politics, simply because I've not seen someone worth caring about anywhere on the political arena. We have politicians getting stabbed in front of their clinics, for crying out loud. We have politicians being charged for sodomy. You know, buttsxe. I don't know if you've noticed, but other countries are laughing at us. We look like a gang of schoolchildren at a black and white affair.

Ooh, I digress.

This year, however, in January 2008, the fight between Senator Obama and Senator Clinton grabbed my attention. Could it be time for a Change? I wasn't old enough to be angry about politics when George W came into power twice, but naturally, as time progresses one observes the repercussions of George W's actions and fights the urge to throw a very sharp stick right into his chest. Perhaps through his unsightly ears. Mr Obama understands the need for Americans and the world to see some sort of change in foreign policy.

And what does the John McCain camp know? How to hire a woman like Sarah Palin to become your running mate? A right hand? To do WHAT exactly? Seriously, darling, what does Sarah Palin know? She doesn't even know the current Prime Minister of Canada. A DJ from a Canadian radio station prank called her this morning and claimed to be Nicolas Sarkozy wanting to interview her allll the way from France. Being the genius with the 180 IQ, she gleefully picked up the phone and said "Oh hiiii how are youuuuu" in that ingratiating pimply-kid-trying-to-oomph-her-grades-up-by-being-uber-nice-to-her-PE-teacher tone and proceeded to answer the fellow's questions with all sorts of amusing answers. How anyone can respect her or vote for her after that is absolutely beyond me. For a celebrity, it's fine to look like a moron, because, hey, that's your fucking job, no? Entertain, be slutty and prosper! For a vice-presidential candidate, however...well, perhaps not. It's one thing to blow $150,000 on "campaign accessories", but another to look like a total fool in front of 250 million people. Actually, I'm not sure which way round that sentence is meant to be.

Then you have Barack Obama and Joe Biden. Both academically sound, both incredibly intelligent people who have proven to focus on practical and sound policies. Obama wants to stop all this warmongering by reducing nuclear stockpile, not "weaponizing" space and would probably engage in presidential diplomatic negotiations before actually whacking the crap out of people, unlike some American presidents we so know and love. Biden, unlike Ms Palin, has been a member of the US Senate Committee on Foreign Relations for the longest time. I assume he would know who the current Prime Minster of Canada is and what Nicolas Sarkozy would do in his free time. 'Nuff said.

Having said all that, I can only hope that there are people out there taking this election seriously and that it is certainly NOT funny voting for a party with that woman on the team. McCain is an old man. His name is a brand of frozen potato chips in this country and one of those bags of chips will certainly outfreeze him, trust me.

This is the first time I'm giving a rat's ass about the political conditions of the world - it'd better turn out good.