bel

Summer's gone.



"You say you want to kill yourself
It might make it just a little bit easier
You think you're the only one who hurts
Try looking just a little bit harder
I don't know why you're holding on
To the damage that's been done

'Cause you've got me wrapped up in your illusion
I keep on trying to change your conclusion
But you've got me wrapped up in your illusion

I keep on dying 'cause you're busy wasting life"

-- Hanson, "Your Illusion"

To Look Like:

In that exact same outfit in the exact same picture.

To have my normal voice sound like:


Peyton Sawyer <3

To Be:


A fat hobbit. Always and forever. Eat, drink, garden, sleep. Trapped in his own not-so-cerebral world.

Forgive me. I am tired.

There are some days when you'd just do anything to rewind to a few hours before. Just to be rid of mistakes, regrets. All that jazz. When you know you would have done things perhaps a little differently, said them a little more nicely, stopped the ball from rolling before it fell off the fucking cliff. When in the aftermath you feel like Death squashed into a tiny entity in this world that is yourself.

Then one starts to realize that it's 4.07 in the evening, not 8.30 in the morning anymore.

All you get to do is wait. Wait. Wait. Wait.



Nobody lives without regrets or sin or love.

Here we are again.